Still 30

Getting older; What a vague phenomenon

Does it stand for anything?

Is 30 really a milestone?

A milestone that provokes change?

Or just something that comes and goes

I guess it depends on what you make it

Me? Well, I want to become kinder--

Kind to people around me

With empathy and compassion

A sweet tone- but real, not fake,

Which takes the sincere effort

Of putting myself in the other's shoes.

I want to be the kind of person

That's a substitute for medicine

Whose voice, like honey

And presence, like healing herbs

Can cure.

I want to be kind to my body

Stop overeating as a means

To kill boredom and sadness

Stop drinking and eating the things

That it gets injured by processing.

I want to learn the right way

To take care of these things

And not do whatever was taught to me

And easy because

It's already a formed habit.

I want to give it love, peace

And moderation

Which will help it to help me

For as long as the years are to come.

I want to be kind to my mind;

I want to stop doing the things

That make me hate myself

From guilt and regret

Like speaking (and throwing) things

Out of temper and impatience.

To stop blaming stress

For the lack of creativity

That used to make me love myself;

To realise that

It's actually an addiction--

To a non-living object

That provides endless entertainment

So I never get to (or have to) face

My very own thoughts.

I want to cook with love

Sing with grace

Suture with skill

And be mentally present

For all of these.

I want to be kind

To the passion of my past;

To gather the knowledge

That makes me relevant to the world

And rekindle lost dreams,

And turn them into ambitions,

Plans, and new endeavors. 

30

So I'm 30! I guess I should be upset that I'm not longer in my twenties; on the contrary, I'm really happy to be where I think I belonged all along. 

I'm excited to step away from the peripheries of the limelight and voluntarily sink into the shadows. It's great to be done with the age where I'm supposed to be the centre of attraction, but never was anyway, always creating a sense of failure or of not being good enough. I'm excited to reach the age where what matters is what I do and say and not (as much) how I look. 

I'm excited to be adult enough to not be bogged down by everyone else's expectations, to be mature enough to understand that I can't do everything. Out of those, I will choose my own expectations from myself and strive to achieve them and be satisfied. 

And I'm excited to finally choose myself, to choose comfort and happiness in the way that I want them. I'm excited to be done with high school and college gossips, to be done with the ifs and buts of a relationship and just fix my marriage in stone. I'm excited to try and be a good wife, which is different from trying to be a good girlfriend in the way that it's not for anyone else's eyes except our own. 

I'm excited to be at an age where I'm no longer lost or confused about my identity. I know myself, my strengths and weaknesses, and I don't have to hide them because I'm not ashamed of them anymore. Of course I'm still malleable but I know what comes easy to me and what not. 

I'm excited to work on making myself stronger and more capable, in ways that make my life better and more worth living. To more exercise and antioxidants. I hope it goes well.