The Musings of a Seventeen Year Old

When I turn around and let myself slip into contemplation over the considerable insignificant incidents of my existence on this planet (and please keep in mind that I am referring to a comparatively small period of seventeen years, the age which shoots into the mind a picture of an irrational young girl, as the elders may have it, with inexperience of what many may call "life"), I find a vast expanse of knowledge to seek from each success, each failure that I have so far come across, so vast that god forbid by some catastrophe I shall have no chance to experience my life any further, I could while away a good seventy-eighty years just pondering over my silly actions and irrevocable decisions that now fill my heart with remorse due to the turn of events that they might have led to, exploiting philosophically all that I possibly can from those few that exist, turning wiser by the second, maybe ending up even wise enough to complete the rest of my life with just these few lessons; if this be the wisdom offered to one by life even before the painful arrival of their wisdom tooth, that offered to a person for forty, or sixty years old can positively make you read to experience in every realm, any kind of sorrow, any kind of agony, or any kind of negative feeling of any sort since thereafter, you would only think of hurt or pain spiritually instead of emotionally, so the next time something comes your way to throw you off your track of happiness, burst your bubble with it's sharp edges, give your lacrimal glands a break and THINK, learn, make a new, stronger bubble which is effectively resistant to the same kind of obstacles that it's failed to conquer before, as many times as you have to, until you finally find your way to the secret list of ingredients to make one that's entirely pop-free. :)

I had a dream.

I don't have it anymore.
Subjecting myself to two years of pure agony didn't do the trick, I guess.
I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.
Okay I do.
But whatever. I'm not going to weep and rant. This was more or less expected.
Though I know I've let every person who had any kind of hope on me down, I'm going to talk about positive things!
Maybe life just has something better in store for me. Maybe I wasn't meant to become to bring about a medical revolution in villages. Maybe my dreams are just supposed to be bigger. :)
These two years have taught me a lot of lessons. And they've given me the best of friends. I'll always keep them with me and everything that they've done to change me for the good. I'm glad to have had all the experiences I had. I've learnt to love myself for what I am, and I won't let some stupid rote system change that.

A little girl I remember

I remember the four year old kid who asked her father if he could 'please BUY a sister for her from the market'. I remember the five year old who screamed at bawled all the while that she was left alone, till her mother was back from Save-on, which was right next door. I remember the six year old who said 'cheese' everytime there a picture being taken just to show off the huge gap in her mouth where her front teeth used to be. I remember the seven year old who believed that infinity people died when the World Trade Centre was knocked down. I remember the eight year old who felt as though supreme, just because she knew multiplication tables long before her class did.
I remember the girl who dreamed of beating the world record for the youngest child to publish a book. I remember the Dad that told his little girl that a doctor was the greatest person in the world, and I remember the little girl who wanted to be the greatest person in the world.
She was impractical and maybe even a teeny bit stupid. But she believed in herself so much, and usually proved that she deserved to be believed in. When she didn't, she ignored it and began another mission to
prove how amazing she could be. I wonder what happened to that girl.

Finally! ^_^

It's been a while since I've really felt alive. Staying put for thirteen hours in a goddamn place, and still getting absolutely nowhere can do that to you. Even if the room is air conditioned. Everytime someone finishes a lesson before me, it feels terrifying to know that I can't be as fast. Everytime I can't get a question in a test, it's more scary that someone else will get it than it is that I can't. And everytime I see my name in the bottom half of the marks-list, it feels like I've been stabbed.
But not anymore. I can't put up with that heck of a rat race. Because I'm not a rat. And neither am I a gadha, or a machine! I'm human, and I'm going to start reminding myself that.
I didn't go to the hell hole today! ^_^
I finished writing something that's been on hold, painted my nails, watched a twenty minute episode of Two and a Half Men, had a long conversation with my mom, went shopping, and made my own Maggi for dinner. I have an exam tomorrow, and I'm not more prepared than I ever was for an exam. But I'm not less prepared than ever before, either. Yes, I'll end up with the same score as always. But hey, atleast this time it was worth it :)

Ode to Rapunzel :)

"Do you think you're smart? If you think so, it doesn't imply that you have the legitimacy of getting a rank when there's somebody who's working double as hard as you."

Those words hit me like a tight slap on my face today.

There's thirty four days left.

My position is still hopeless. Everybody is ahead of me.

I don't think I stand a chance anymore. I don't see a point in trying.

I am fed up of this stupid cycle. It has pain in every stage of it.

I hate my life at this point. I have no way out of this.

Yes, I feel like giving up.

But I won't... I'll push myself past all the pain and keep working for it, because some of the greatest things in the world are achieved by people who didn't give up when there seemed to be no hope at all.

And I owe a special thanks to a particular person who saved my life by making me realise that.

Thank you... I love you, rapunzel :)

I don't know what made me write this one... :)

I like the colour of sea water at the beach in Dubai. I love wearing my dad's loose shirts. Using wrong grammar gives me bliss. I fall so easily for compliments. I love getting a smile onto other's face. I love talking. Writing makes me feel good. I take forever to dress up every morning. I like kajal. I love harry potter. I like my handwriting, even though it's not legible. I really think learning is fun, if it's done in the right way. I actually like having glasses. I'm always late everywhere. Tearing paper makes me happy. I have cartoons that I drew ages ago, still stuck on my wall. Making someone else upset is the worst feeling in the world to me. I hate it when someone says something against my language or my country. I'm a total sucker for handmade gifts. I hate losing erasers. I love the feeling of a new diary. I have to put all my might into use to keep a tiny little secret. I don't laugh; I cackle. I like heels. I can't sleep without my care bear comforter that I've been using since I was seven. I still miss my old cabin bed. I like having my own little corner. I don't like people seeing me when I cry. When anyone treats me special, I feel on top of the world. I have a drawer at the very end of my room where I have every memory that I've saved since I was five, and I'll never lose them.

I argue with my parents all day, but I can't live without them. I like cold water more than coke. I can survive on pizza. I think the smell of petrol is wonderful. I've always been considered shy; but I'm also very frank. I can never stop admiring how good my blog looks. I'm a little short tempered, and I suck at hiding my emotions. I never know how to answer when somebody is mean to me. Sometimes, I feel absolutely beautiful, and I love that feeling.

Yes, I'm girly... but I am a girl.
Yes, I'm kiddish... but I am a kid.

Yes, I'm kind of stupid... but it makes me happy. :)

A piece of my heart...

What makes an amazing school isn't shiny new benches, fully equipped labratories or great infrastructure...

It's the scope to develop into exactly who you choose to be, with all the right conditions to encourage and appreciate that person you've chosen to grow into.

At mine, we had a meagre playground, airy classrooms and the best teachers on Earth. Term after term, we battled for that half extra mark... Year after year, we stood first in the ICSE board. We begged to save the one P.T. period we got once in a couple of weeks. We won every interschool debate, (and lost every football match)... :P

From copying during mid-terms, to class punishments, we had a blast doing things that weren't even supposed to be fun.

Gitanjali is where I've met the people who've taught me the most important lessons in life... It's where I've laughed my wits out with my first real friends.

There, at the very end of that crummy lane, lies the place that's taught me to seek knowledge; my abode of happy memories. There lies my school. :)