It changed once a few years back when I realised that everything I do gets evaluated by others; that when I dance, people characterise it as good or bad, and when I sing, people think of it as off-tune or a worse version of the original song. Why do I have to constantly strive to keep my shortcomings private, never to ever be exposed?
Why can't I just drive, without being told that I'm a "typical woman driver"? And why can't I enjoy warm sunlight on a cool day without being told that it'll make me even darker? Why can't I go out without being conscious of my faulty figure, my small eyes and my bald spots? Why can't I just smile as much as I want, without being told that it's "too much"? I'm happy, dang it.
Why do I have to keep up with the trend, instead of wearing what makes me comfortable? Why can't I just be left to my own personal style?
Why can't I just love me for being me?
Why do I have to give up my lifelong dream, just because I'm afraid of being judged for a conservative lifestyle? Why do I have to be scared of not being able to post glamorously on Instagram? Happiness means different things to different people; why can't I be left without judgement for my idea of it?
Just today I realised, once again, with previously missing pointedness-- that most people don't care. I'm free to do as I like!
Every person is so busy with their own life and their own insecurities that they don't have time to create new ones for me. In fact if anyone does that, it's only a reflection of how overwhelmed they are by their own insecurities -- and judgement by such characters doesn't bother me at all, not in the least.
If I'm really turning into a comic piece, so be it! I love making people laugh. I'm getting myself one step closer to the gift of acceptance. Removing the weight of everyone else's (possible) judgements has made me feel so much lighter.
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