Questions and Answers?

I don't like it when I'm treated as an inferior. I don't like it when people override my opinions just because I allow them to. I hate being lesser than somebody else. I don't like myself.
There you go. That's the problem. You, yourself have put yourself so low. And when you do that, the world puts you even lower than where you've put yourself. You have to believe in yourself. Love yourself and the world will follow.
The world judges according to external appearance. What do I do? It hurts when people point out explicitly that I don't rank too high there.That's wrong. There're many people who are recognized for their humanity or talent. It's your character that comes first. The only things that matter are the ones that you can do something about.
But I don't have any such talents either. I'm known for nothing.But you're gifted. You know that. You can develop on any talent you wish to. The only reason you haven't already is because you're not taking an initiative strong enough. It's never too late!
I hate it when people ignore me. I hate it when I hold out a hand to shake and they don't give me theirs in return. I don't like being neglected. Once again, all you have to make sure of is that you've done your own part. That's the only thing that's in your hands. What's not, isn't to be worried about. You may seem like the victim but the truth is that the victim is the person on the other end. They're the one who missed the opportunity to make an awesome friend. :)
I hate when I look around for someone to vent to and nobody's there. I hate when I realise that nobody cares.That's true. Nobody does care. Everyone fends for themselves here, and you can't expect more. Afterall, you're one of the lot, and there's nothing wrong with that. Nobody has people to cheer them up, unless you count in an exception or two, who spend all their time in creating a friend circle. You have goals, so you have to keep yourself occupied with trying to achieve them. And you're better off alone, anyway, since that means that you're never let down by anyone else, either.
I don't know why I can't be who I want to. It's because who you want to be isn't you. You should be happy with yourself, just the way you are. You should stop being so critical. You shouldn't be afraid to be who you are, without any kind of influence.
Anyway, this isn't the time to be thinking about this. It's late, and you're awake to study. These aren't the kind of things that should be bothering you now. This is the most crucial time of your life and you're playing around with it. Focus.
I know the answers to everything... Then why doesn't it help my mind to shut off and concentrate?!-__________-.

Smiileee :D

I suddenly don't get why we just don't smile all the time. I mean, when we have a choice... Why not pick the happier? Just because our lives are a little complicated, we mess it all up. We have the controls.
When I was a kid, my dad used tell me that Gandhiji said "The sorrow is in your own hands. Drop it!" I wonder where I lost that lesson when I grew into a teenager. Gandhiji was right.
And then we hear the usual, "But I can't emote as I wish to. I'm not an On-Off button." But anyone who says that is the biggest on-off button. 'Cause they've handed the remote to the world, and they let people play with the controls. If someone else can control your emotions, why can't you, yourself? How is it that a little criticism can trigger a bucket of tears but your own strong will to keep yourself happy can't make you smile?
Nobody likes unhappy people.
"Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Cry and the world laughs at you."
Isn't that so right? Nobody usually gives a damn when you cry. And you think it's because nobody cares about you. But if you think about it, you wouldn't want to spend your lifetime listening to somebody crib about how their life sucks, either. And neither would I.
Here's to a happier world. :)

Ready.. Steady... Mug it up!

"The drone carries only one allele of a given gene. The queen may be heterozyhous or homozygous. On the formation of gametes by segregation in queen, and on drawing the phylogenetic tree-"

My zoology lecturer turned around and began scribbling on the board. He was explaining a question in genetics.

"-we observe that the worker bees may share either fifty or hundred percent of similar genes. On taking the average, we get 75."

We all busied ourself in copying down what he'd drawn on the board, hurriedly.

"How many of you understood?" Our teacher asked.

A round figure of fifteen of the eighty five students in my class put up their hands. I was one of them.

"Very good. The rest of you, just memorize it." He turned to face the class, looking amused by his own advice. Some of the girls giggled too.

But that was it for me. Memorize it? I would never do that! How can an education system be more favourable to someone who remembers what they study vocally and not because they've understood the depth of it?!

"The students who don't waste time on trying to understand everything will be the winners," he'd told us.

I mean, what the hell! Ever since I've joined Inter, that's all I've been told to do. "Memorizing isn't wrong. It's okay to memorize."

I can't resort to such a sick technique. I can't fall that low. But the sad part is that the machines that mug up books score more than I do. And their future is going to be visbly brighter. It isn't fair! I'd like to see them memorize their way out of MBBS. Let's see how many of these donkey-heads actually manage to get through the first year of professional college. Hmph.

HELP.

Just a few hours ago, I felt like the conqueror of the world. Like nothing could ever stop me again. I thought that was it and it would stay that way. I thought that was all I needed for the win. It felt like it was really happening, finally.
Now, it's three a.m., and I've been sitting in front of my chemistry book for exactly three hours. Chemistry, of all subjects. I could finish hardly twenty sums. And in the twenty, I must've genuinely understood like fifteen. I don't know what's happening and why.
Just five months ago when they taught us this stuff, I understood and solved all the questions. The exact same lesson. Where did that vanish? Why'm I so lost? Why can't I understand?! What is it about me that lands me here, every time? Am I just plain dumb? Is this not what I'm meant for? But I want it so much.
What more do I need to do for it to be considered as 'making an effort'? How can they tell me that I'm not trying? Even a small indication that working lesser than someone else pisses me off.
I've had enough of being compared. Had enough of being told that I'm lesser than someone else.
I'm running out of time. Two days left for the test. Deja vu, just like every week.
I've finished not even ten percent of what I have to study. I can't keep up. I can't stay on track. This isn't working out for me. And I'm sure I'm gonna fall asleep in class tomorrow.

Contemplating over bygones

It seemed fine all along, but now when I think about it it makes almost no sense to me... What was I doing the last couple of years? Consciously getting caught up in unnecessary depressing nonsense, and expecting not to be hit. And expecting an apology once I was. How stupid! I was so foolishly innocent. Expecting the same girl that I knew always hated me, to care about me, just because I did about her. Limiting my whole world to a total of three people, considering myself either too high or too low for others, without even making an attempt. Getting crushed when someone crushed me, crying when someone made me cry. Infact, ANYone. Letting my smile rely on so many external factors. Confide in someone else to cheer me up when I was upset. Having expectations which were over the top and getting upset every time they weren't fulfilled. Putting up with nonsense just for the momentary pleasure I got after hours of tears.Wondering why nobody cares, without realising that it's the same for everyone, and that I'm not an exception!Wallowing in self pity. Not making an attempt at all so that I always have a reason to fall back on when I fail; 'I didn't even study for it.' And feeling like a loser every time I did fail, anyway. What was I thinking?

I don't care! Or... do I?

"Sometimes it's nice to just not care. Or to pretend like it, atleast." a piece of wisdom passed on to me from someone I bitterly hate. Back then, I thought, "God! How ruthless can she get!"
And now that I think of it, maybe she was right about it. Caring about someone hurts too much, especially when they don't reciprocate even one percent of it. Right now, I wish I could stop caring. That would be the best feeling in the world.

No one now...

Sometimes I wonder why I want someone there with me ever time I'm crying. Why that irresistable urge to pick up my phone and tell the first person I can that I'm in desperate need of company. Why I feel like nobody cares about me now.
You've gotten me SO used to having someone there for me, perpetually, unconditionally. You've pampered and spoilt me so much that I'm finding it hard to live without someone to lean back on when I need. I can't do without a shoulder to cry on.
I wish you weren't that nice to me, because no one else ever is. There was no need to wonder what would happen if sometimes, you weren't around. But now, that isn't 'sometimes' anymore, it's always. And I hadn't noticed that as long as you were my only world. I wish you were like all the others; rough and mean and uncaring. I wish you'd ignored me when I was upset. Wish you'd never pestered me to tell you what's wrong whenever I sounded low. I wish you'd left me to fend for myself. Atleast the experience would help, now.