My needs expand to fill the void

Everytime a new hurdle is taken away 

Never-ending requirements

Never feeling fulfilled 

Happiness is but an illusion; 

Even when it exists, a delusion

Who's to blame? Me? Her? Him? 

What's the point - take them away 

And I'll still be left with this vast sea

Of expectations, demands and sadness

From never having them fulfilled 

This personality itself is work

It's an enormous hurdle I'm unable to cross 

I don't see anything else at fault 

Except me and my own damn self. 

Hatred, loathing I feel in plenty 

From inside me, reflected, diffracted,

To all directions, like a scattered beam 

Towards everyone, everything else

I spread the misery that I live with. 

The nights I spent 

Wishing I were someone else

And the days that went by 

Wishing I never existed at all. 

Depression, disease or a lack of mindfulness

Countless explanations; all excuses

Nothing I say or do can acquit me 

It's me, I'm the culprit 

Take me behind bars, whip me 

Put me on the chair

Pull out the flail, and then a rope...

Nothing is punishment enough

Just end it, end it, end it- I plead, make it stop 

What did I do to deserve this;

To be a criminal with no control 

Over her actions, words and sins